This past week, the Survey Center on American Life (https://www.americansurveycenter.org) released their latest findings on friendship in America. I would encourage you to spend a few moments reviewing the summary of their work, it’s really fascinating. You can find it at https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-friendship-change-challenges-and-loss/.
The survey looks at several aspects of friendship – from how the pandemic affected relationships to whom young adults look to for support in times of need. Again, it’s full of interesting information and worth your time.
What really caught my attention was the section on close friendships. Their research showed that close friendships are on the decline. In 1990, 33% of Americans reported having 10 or more close friends (not counting relatives). In 2021, only 13% reported having 10 or more close friends. At the other end of the spectrum, only 3% of Americans reported having no friends in 1990, in 2021 those reporting no close friendships had grown to 12%! One of the threads running through the research is the sense that we are becoming a lonelier society in America. Isolation is more common, and the fruit of isolation is often not good.
We love and serve a God who tells us that it’s not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). I’ve been thinking a lot about how the reality of loneliness in our culture should shape our approach to ministry. This is the reality in our neighborhoods and communities. I’d even venture to say that this is probably more the reality in our local congregations than we’d like to believe. I think it’s important that we not miss the fact that the lonely people may not just be “out there” in our communities and neighborhoods, but that it may very well be that there are lonely people who sit in our pews every week. What’s our response? How do we help the person who has no close friends? What kind of ministry blesses lonely people? Who in your congregation is lonely? Who in your neighborhood is lonely? How do we foster genuine friendship and true connection?
Fifty-five years ago, the Beatles penned the following words in their song Eleanor Rigby:
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
We live in an age of increasing loneliness and isolation, what is Good News to a person who is lonely and isolated? How does increasing loneliness and isolation require us to rethink some of our strategies for reaching our communities and neighborhoods? What must change in our patterns of ministry to meet the challenges of loneliness? Who is lonely in your neighborhood? Do you know if any of your neighbors or coworkers are lonely?
We know Jesus’ famous words in Matthew 25: “for I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink…” I think if He were speaking to our context today, He might have add “for when I was lonely, you were a true friend to me.”
National trends are one thing, but I think it’s always important to bring it down to street level. Who do you know who might be lonely or living in isolation and what can you do to be a friend? Who needs invited to your table this week? Who needs a phone call or a knock on the door? Who needs invited to lunch?
What if our measure of success in loving was supported by a lack of loneliness in our midst? That might look like the kingdom of God breaking through.
Christ’s Peace,
Lance
CGGC eNews—Vol. 15, No. 27
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